Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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