I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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