He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
