Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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