is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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