Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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