guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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