Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
