I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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