Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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