I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
