You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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