I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
