Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
