It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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