I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
