There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
