So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sober January is a disaster.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
