i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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