you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
