I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
