Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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