I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
