She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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