matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
