Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
