Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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