Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
