i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
