I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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