She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
