I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
