Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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