you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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