I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think i got beer on your cat.
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