does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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