When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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