I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
