the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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