I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
