mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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