Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
