Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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