Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
