Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
