He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
