I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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