office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
