well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
