Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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