Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
