it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
