real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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