just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
