i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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