ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
