I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
