Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
